if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
