thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
