It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
