i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
