So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
