I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
