I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
