M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
