I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
