I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
