just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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