You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
