i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
