In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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