ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
