i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
