we have officially lost it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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