I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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