Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
