Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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