Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
