So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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