Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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