i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
