Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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