how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
