he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
