"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
