There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
