did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
