"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
