I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
