i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
