thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
