Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He did a backflip because drugs
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