i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So much Jack, so little girl.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
