It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i have two assholes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
