Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
