I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
