I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
