Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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