im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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