You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
