'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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