that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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