I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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