i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
