Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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