she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
