did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He? As in you personified your dick?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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