There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
