I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
