sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
