He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
