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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
