Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woke up backwards on a recliner
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
