I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
