What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
